Hold Me Now: Bombs Away

A few days passed, but I, in my stupor, didn't really notice. The hospital and my father decided that a detox would be best for me, so I could get it all out of my system. Hunter didn't come by at all, and I tried to keep myself occupied so I wouldn't have to think or feel. Tim, however, came by everyday. He brought me a few of my favorite things and a new book. I didn't feel like talking very much, because when I did I would break down into fits of tears. So we would sit and watch TV or he would read to me. At some point, all of the gang came by, but I was either having an episode due to withdrawals or I was sleeping. Everyone thought it was an OD and detox, but only Hunter and Tim knew the truth. I wanted to tell the girls and the rest of them. I knew they would understand, but I couldn't. I simply wasn't ready, not yet. When I was finally released from the hospital, I felt like I had been liberated from jail, and for the first time in a while, I felt good. My dad tried to take me home, but I insisted on going with Tim. I had already missed too much school and  I longed for a bit of normalcy. So he dropped me off in front of the High School. Luckily, I had only missed first period, and I joined the masses walking to our second class.

When I waked into my English class, I was greeted by Rhyan with the biggest hug I had ever received. My heart ached as she smiled so brilliantly, and her eyes burrowed into mine. I averted my gaze and sat down next to her talking idly until Jelly joined us. Shortly after, class started and we began reading "The Great Gatsby," one of my favorite books. Then, I heard an all too familiar sound reverberate through the halls. Screams echoed, and I found myself on the floor, huddled behind some desks with Rhyan and Jelly. Although detox had cleared my mind of a drug-induced haze, my head immediately became foggy all over again. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I knew I was not afraid. Even when three guys barged into the room pointing guns at us, and one set his sights on Rhyan, Jelly and myself, I remained calm. I could feel Rhyan trembling, so I squeezed her hand to comfort her. I had been here before and as far as I was concerned, these were just cowardly boys with guns.

This is one hell of a way to end my senior year. I thought. I wasn't afraid of death, but I was unsure of whether or not I would live to graduate and when they shot a boy close to us, I began to believe that I wouldn't.

Hunter. All I wanted was Hunter. I closed my eyes and envisioned him in my mind. I tried to remember everything from start to finish. I wanted him to be the last thing on my mind if I were to die. That's when a S.W.A.T. team burst through the door, taking out our captors, and surveying the carnage.

Not too long after, we were allowed to leave the building, and a group of family, friends and concerned onlookers were gathered outside. I spotted Two-Bits face in the crowd, and ran to him. Blair must have seen him at the same time as I did, because we both collided into him in perfect harmony. He held us tightly within his arms for a moment before taking us home.

Even after the days' events, it felt so strange being in my house. My limbs became strangely heavy and I dragged myself up the stairs to my room. When I opened the door, I found that my room had been ransacked and my small, wooden box lay in pieces on the floor. I flung myself down the stairs in search of Tibbs, and found him sitting next to my father in the kitchen.

"Which one of you did it?!" I growled. Tibbs jumped from his chair and pointed a finger at my father. I turned to him. He was unaffected by my gaze and pretended not to notice just how furious I was because he kept his eyes glued to his book, his face expressionless.

"You had no right!" I screamed while slamming my fists down onto the kitchen table to get his attention. He raised his eyebrows, and slowly placed his book on the table. He rose to his feet. I forgot just how intimidating he could be when he was angry. With his chest puffed up, he glared down his nose at me, standing only inches away. "I had every right. I am your father, Audrey, and it's very clear that something needed to be done." He spoke slowly, and emphasized every word.

My blood began to boil, and my mind raced. Suddenly, before I could think about what I was doing, words shot from my mouth like bullets from a gun. "No! You gave up that right the day you walked out on us! As far as I'm concerned, I don't have a father!"
He exhaled sharply like I had just knocked the wind out of him, and his eyes filled with heartache. I knew I had hurt him. At that moment I was really sure if I meant what I said, but I know that it felt so good to say it. I pressed further.

"I don't want you here anymore. Neither do Keith and Blair. We have had about enough of you. You've overstayed your welcome. Now I'll ask you kindly to leave." I began to turn away and leave the kitchen, but he grabbed my arm in an ironclad grip. Keith stepped in-between us, and grabbed my father's shirt.

"You heard her. Get out." He snarled through his teeth. My father let go of my arm, and stepped away from Tibbs. He walked out of the front door and didn't look back. Two-Bit's shoulders slumped, and he turned to me. "Where did that come from?" He questioned. His eyes showing his confusion.

"I don't know, but it's just us again. I like it better this way." He responded by wrapping his arms around me in a gentle hug. Despite the fact that I had hoped for years that my father would come back, I was relieved to watch him leave and this time I didn't want him to return. Two-Bit finally released me and left for the Curtis'.

As I trudged upstairs, my mind wandered and I began to hear a slight whimper. I thought I was hearing things until I was able to see into my room. Blair laid there on the floor where her bed used to be, crying. "Blair?" I asked just loud enough for her to hear me, but she didn't respond. I rushed to her side, scooping her into my arms. "Blair, honey what's going on? Please, you're scaring me..." She squeezed her eyes, and scrunched up her face, as if there were something behind her eyelids that she wished to get away from. Her body shook violently, and broken sobs continued to escape her. I held her tightly, and rocked her back and forth. When her eyes opened, and she blinked several times like she was trying to focus, I stopped. Seeing her like this, so broken, it cut me deeply. I choked back tears of my own, and she said, "I remember...I remember what he use to do to me when he'd put me to bed." I knew she could see the look of confusion on my face as I tried so desperately to make sense of it all.

"Where were you when I needed you? When everything was falling apart?"  Her words were barely audible due to her voice cracking and shaking. "Blair...I-I'm...Wha...You..."  I stammered as it started to click. I almost had it figured out when she said, "Because I was his Bumblebee."  She closed her eyes, seemingly asleep, and I lifted her onto my bed. Finally, I understood what she meant. It was like a switched was flipped in my mind, turning off every semblance of emotion. I knew what I had to do for Blair.

I found my phone and called Rhyan. She answered right away, and I didn't give her the opportunity to distract me. "Hey Rhye, I need a ride to the hardware store. You busy?" I asked.

"No, but I mean... You just got out of the hospital don't you want to rest? Today was kinda rough. And what in the world do you need from the hardware store?" She questioned.

"Oh nothing, I'm just gonna start remodeling my room, and I just need to get a few simple things."
She seemed reluctant, but she agreed. Within minutes she was outside honking her horn. I bolted out of the front door, and to her car. When we arrived at the hardware store I set out on a mission. I picked up two large paint tarps, a few cans of paint, and some large plastic tubs. Rhyan followed me around, trying to help, but I didn't really need it. After loading up her car, I told her we needed to make one more stop. She agreed, mostly because I think she missed me, but I wouldn't all myself to think about that. I had something more pressing. We pulled up to the back of the High School.

"W-Why are we here?" She sounded frightened. I turned around and looked at her before clamoring out of the car.

"Don't worry. I'll be right back." I whispered, and then ran off into the dark shadows that shrouded the back entrance. As I searched for the back door, I saw the soft glow of a cigarette just to my left. The owner of that cigarette stepped out of a corner and revealed their face.

"Way to be a creep Kev." I scolded. He was always kinda weird. He had long greasy black hair, and not greasy from styling it that way, but from the lack of hygiene. His face covered in acne, and he had lost a few teeth over the years, but he was a good friend. He had always been nice, and helped me out when I needed him to. This time was no exception, but this was different, i had asked him to lie for me.
 He laughed as he threw down his cig and snuffed it out with his boot.

"Sorry girl. Considerin' the circumstances, didn't wanna get caught. Ya ready ta go in?" His thick Southern drawl was more distinct than I remembered. I nodded my head, and we entered the school. Making a few quick turns, and immediately entering the science storage closet. He flipped on the light.

"Whatcha need this fer anyways?" He asked, handing me two huge jugs of Hydrofloric Acid. I simply shrugged my shoulder. "Oh just a senior prank." I laughed. He nodded again, I thanked him and we were on our way back to the entrance. As we exited, he lit up again. I reached into my pocket, pulled out a 50, and shoved it into his hand. He took a step back, and shot me a funny look. "It's just a thank you for helping me out, and keeping it secret. Especially considering you had to change the inventory list for this." I said nodding toward the two jugs I pressed against my chest. He nodded and smiled, and I ran back to Rhyan's car. When I jumped in she screamed.

"Jesus! You scared me! What took you so long?"

"I dunno. I didn't realize that I was gone that long. Sorry." I said flatly, not letting any of what was going on inside my head show.

"Okay, let's go home." She said, putting the car in drive and peeling out of the parking lot.

"No," I said, "Take me to Tom's house. I'll show you the way." She stared at me, and mumbled something under her breath. I  knew she didn't like how I was acting, but a part of me didn't care. We sat in silence the rest of the way, except for my occasional dictation of direction. When we turned onto his street, I told her to park a few houses down. She threw the car in park, and started trying to yell at me, but I threw my arms around her, gave her my best fake smile, and got out. After I unloaded all of my things, I ran as fast as I could down the street and up the drive to his door. I tapped lightly on the window right next to it. He cracked it open, allowing me to see only one eye. He slipped his hand through the crack, and handed me a pair of keys.  "Black truck, Virginia plates, in the back. Where you leavin it?" He rasped.

I took the keys from him, and stated, "I'm bringing it back here. Thanks Tom." I ran off the porch and around back before he could ask me any other questions. I had called him when Rhyan wasn't paying attention, and asked to borrow one of his many "re-purposed" vehicles. He did it as a favor.

I hopped in, and drove back to my house. I parked the car in the alleyway, and ran through the backdoor. I found Blair on my bed. I shook her repeatedly until her eyes fluttered open.

"What the fuck is your problem, bitch?" She squealed.
It took me a minute to realize why she was acting that way.
"Well hello Kayleigh. Get your skanky ass dressed." I said throwing a black jacket, skinnies, and a pair of rubber gloves at her. She stared at me, bewildered.
"It's time for some retribution." I stated, and went to the bathroom to dress. When I returned, we both stood there, black clad and thinking the same thing as a flicker of evil flashed in her eyes. She followed me out to the truck I had borrowed, looking in the bed to see the contents I had gathered. On the way to our destination, I laid down the law. "Look, Kayleigh. I don't really like you, but I have an obligation to my sister, Blair. Do you understand that?" She nodded. "This is something that is necessary. So prepare yourself. And when the cops come banging on our door, you don't say a word. Just act like a sad grieving daughter and keep your mouth shut. Deal?" She nodded her head again. "Deal." She said as we pulled into the alleyway behind the rent house. I instructed Kayleigh to gather everything but the paint, and follow my lead. I opened the back gate, and walked through the yard to the back door. It was answered swiftly and I was invited inside. My father stood in front of me, and Kayleigh entered in behind me.

"Bumblebee?" He asked, surprised to see her with me. "What's going on?" He looked from her back to me.

"Well you see, dad. I'm not here to apologize, nor am I here to make a social visit. I believe that you are the one who needs to apologize." I glanced at Kayleigh and motioned to the tarp. She began spreading it out on the floor. He noticed our gloves, and became frantic.

"What's going on here?" He was starting to panic.


All I could was smirk in response. I looked to Kayleigh, "You're up."
She lunged forward with an unimaginable amount of force for someone of her size, and he was down in an instant. I knelt down by him as they wrestled with the other, and placed a cloth drenched in chloroform over his mouth and nose. "Sweet dreams, Pop." I sneered. A vicious, animal-like instinct had taken over, and I knew I couldn't stop until it was done.


I gagged him, and we rolled him over on the tarp. I instructed her to turn on the TV. "You're seriously gonna watch tv right now? What the hell?" She snapped.


"It's to cover up the noise, Kayleigh. Now stop questioning me and DO WHAT I TELL YOU!!" I yelled at her with just as much attitude as she had already provided. A light bulb went off in her head and she flipped on the TV, making sure to turn up the volume.


When I was finished tying him up, I sat back and took it all in.  "You really planned this all out didn't you? I mean you've got gloves, booties, hair caps, A tarp... You're twisted."


"Yeah, well... Deep down, we all are." I sighed and then I was ready. "Fill up those plastic tubs with that acid. Be careful, if you get it on you, you'll regret it."


"Precision." She mumbled as she turned and grabbed the jugs. I went to find my weapon of choice. When I pulled it from the tub behind Blair, and sat by my father on the tarp she started to squeal.


"A saw?! What?! This isn't a scary movie! Why are you using that?!"


"Do you honestly think we can fit his whole body into one of those tubs? I can barely fit in it. He has to be in smaller portions for this to work."


She sucked in sharp, frantic breaths. "Kayleigh, you need to calm down. I know you're a brutal, vicious little bitch, so start acting like it."


She nodded, and bent down to hold him in place as I began to saw through one of his arms. I was careful not to let blood spray, and before I got through the whole thing, he woke up. He was screaming against his gag and started to fight. Luckily you couldn't hear him over the TV, but he was starting to overpower me. So I motioned to Kayleigh, and we picked up off of his stomach, and pushed him to his knees. "Get a knife. Quickly. Not one that you would notice if it were gone." She ran into the kitchen, and emerged with a huge butcher's knife.


"Slit his throat."


She gawked at me like I had just spoken in a foreign language. Then her expression hardened and she shook her head.


"What do you mean 'No?' Do it."


She shook her head again, and just as I was about to explode in anger she spoke up. "He doesn't deserve to die that quickly."
She was right, he didn't. Before I could stop her she stabbed him in the gut and then proceeded pull down his pants.


"What're you doing?" I asked.


"What every child molester deserves."


She took him in her hands and with one swift movement of the knife he was castrated. She continued until all was removed. He passed out from the shock so I put the parts in the bucket and closed the lid. This was becoming more gruesome than I had planned, but I was relishing the pain that was being inflicted on him. She began making small lacerations with the knife all over him just because. Finally, after she had her fun, she stabbed him repeatedly in the chest, letting him die. She took the saw from me, and started to finish off his arm, but I stopped her. I saw my little sister covered in the blood of her tormentor, and I was resolved to finish it. I took it back and relentlessly cut off every extremity that he had, and finished with his head. I then had male genitalia, a tongue, two arms, two thighs, two calves, two feet, a torso, and a head all floating around in two buckets full of Hydrofluoric acid. I knew he was already beginning to deteriorate, so to dispose of the blood we picked up the edges of the tarp and poured the blood into the bucket also. We then took off our gloves and threw them in with everything else. I had brought along some towels to wipe down with. The blood was now beginning to dry on our clothes so it didn't really matter, but we wiped our faces. I told her to get the bleach and clean off the tarp, while I took care of the rest. I wrapped one of the towels tightly around my fist, and went outside. I walked up to his bedroom window and punched a hole through the glass and knocked out the remaining shards. I then climbed through the window and began knocking things down and opening drawers all with my covered hand so I wouldn't leave prints. I had to make it look like a break in, so no one would suspect anything. When I got back to living room, I saw that she was finished and then my phone started ringing.


The name on the screen caused my heart to lurch. Hunter.
I answered immediately. My voice giving way to how I was feeling.


"Audrey, I'm sorry I just left. I was just so hurt... I needed time, but what I really need is you. I love you, Bird. That hasn't changed. We can get through this together. I can help you. Okay? Say you'll have me.."


"You've got impeccable timing, Hunter Cade. I love you too, but you're not gonna be happy about what comes next." There was silence on the other end. "I need you to meet me at my dad's rent house now. I need your help."


He agreed and I gave him the address. Within minutes Hunter and Leo were parked out back next to the truck I borrowed from Tom, and began making their way through the yard. I took the towel around my hand and opened the door.


"Don't touch anything unless I tell you." I barked at them.


They looked around, and then at Blair and I. Hunter shot me a look.
"Where's your dad?" He asked tentatively. I averted my gaze and pointed at the two plastic tubs sitting on the floor. Hunter walked over and opened one up, immediately closing it after seeing what was inside.


"Jesus, Audrey! What the fuck were you thinking?! You're on a roll, aren't you? First... that! Now, this! " He had his hands on his head pulling at his hair.


"Didn't think you had it in you kid. Remind me to never get on your bad list." Leo quipped. He found something amusing in the situation, but instead of replying I simply glowered at him from across the room.


I moved toward Hunter and  got in his face, knowing that I deserved that last remark, it still cut me like a knife. I choked back tears and defended myself.


"Look Hunter, I did it for Blair. He... He did things. Obscene, unspeakable things that a father should never do to his child. He is the reason Blair is the way she is. I knew how it had to end. I don't know if it will fix things, but at least now I know he will never bother her again." I was pleading with him to understand. I placed  my hands on his arms gently, and he looked down at me. I guess he saw the desperation, or he looked into my soul like he usually does, but he wrapped his arms around me. For the first time in days I found myself in my favorite place, encompassed by him. He held me for what felt like years until Leo interrupted.


"Hey what's wrong with your sister?" He was obviously concerned. Hunter and I turned to look at her and she was just sitting there with her knees to her chest, and a blank look on her face. She wasn't even blinking. I approached her.


"Blair.. I mean Kayleigh. Are you okay?"


She shook her head, snapped out of her trance, and met my gaze.


"I want to go." She said flatly. I looked from Leo to Hunter and then back to Leo.


"Would you?" I asked. He nodded and proceeded to help her off of the floor and out to his truck. Hunter and I took the tarp, and each grabbed a tub. I walked so slow that I thought I would never make it to the truck. When I finally made it out of the gate, Leo grabbed the tub I had in my hand and helped load it into the truck bed.


"Thanks. Make sure she takes a shower and burns those clothes. Don't leave her until I get back, Leo." I muttered, but he heard me anyway and nodded once in reply. Then they were off.


"Where's the weapon?" Hunter asked.


"In the bucket, along with everything that needs to be disposed of except for my clothes."


"What's in there?"


"Acid. Ready?" I asked, purposefully avoiding giving him details. Then I quickly climbed  into the front passengers seat.
He got in on the drivers side, and asked, "Where are we going?"


"Owasso Lake Dam."


We were on way. Neither of us really knew what to say to the other, but I reached over and held his hand. He responded by squeezing gently and we sat with one another until we reached the lake.


By that time, the contents of the tubs had been sitting long enough that they had dissolved everything within. So Hunter and I both grabbed one and went to the waters edge. I opened the lid to the first one and dumped the contents into the water. Watching it mix together and slowly return to normal. Hunter did the same and then I  rinsed the two buckets out. When I was finished I placed them back into the truck bed, and sat on the tailgate. Hunter joined me.


"I really did that..." I murmured. I wasn't even willing to admit what I had just done. For a split second I felt nauseous, then it subsided and I jerked my head toward Hunter. Tears instantly filled my eyes and clouded my vision. "Oh God! You must think I'm the worst person alive! Especially after..." My voice trailed off, and he put his arm around me to comfort me.


"Shh... Bird, I don't think you're a horrible person. Crazy... Maybe? But I always knew that." He grinned.


But even his smile couldn't suppress the overwhelming grief and sadness that I felt. "Hunter, I'm so sorry. I love you. Please forgive me."


"You're already forgiven." He kissed my forehead. "Now lets go get you cleaned up."


We drove to Tom's, dropped off the truck and walked back to Hunter's house. Leo said he would stay with Blair, so i knew she would be safe. I finally went to shower, and slipped into one of his shirts when I was finished. We both crawled in bed at the same time, and an onslaught of kisses commenced. I felt a thrill and butterflies in my stomach from him simply kidding my forehead, and after days of not seeing him a mere kiss sent me over the edge. And we stayed like that all night, exchanging kisses, hugs and 'I love you's.' both of us perfectly content to be in each others company, in each others arms, and forgetting about the plastic tubs and paint cans in the corner. Forgetting the fact that I had killed my father. Neither of us wanted to think about it, or the repercussions that might lie ahead.


Tonight, it's just about me and Hunter. I thought as I snuggled closer to him and drifted off to sleep.
 

Roslyn

Hunter, the most magnificent male on the planet. My, Hunter. I loved the sound of those two small words put together. Even though we had both screwed up and our relationship almost ended, we remained. I felt like we were unsinkable, and the fact that we had already overcome so much in such a short amount of time only encouraged the thought that we, Hunter and I, were meant to be. It seemed a bit naive, but how could I not feel that way?
Since our first official make-up, we hadn't had much time for anything else. That is, until Leo barged in on us one afternoon. He just sat down on the end of the bed while Hunter and I tried to gain some composure. Then he started to rattle off some brilliant scheme of his about a fight club. Hunter seemed to be interested and bought into what Leo had cooked up. Suddenly, they were not just friends, but business partners as well. They began setting it up, laying down rules and finding fighters, besides themselves.

One night at Leo's apartment, I was cooking dinner while they sat on the couch talking business. 

"Oh, we could get that one guy from the Brumley gang." Hunter said trying to remember his name. 

"Well what about Owe?" Leo asked, and Hunter must've shot him a dirty look, because Leo replied immediately. "Shit! You mean y'all er still actin' like pansies. Why can't you two just get along?" He asked while throwing his pen and notebook on the floor. 

I could see them through the archway of the kitchen, but I tried not to make it obvious that I was paying attention to their conversation. That's when I saw Hunter tense up and shift around uncomfortably on the couch. 

"You know why." He said flatly. That's when Leo looked around Hunter, right at me. Out of reflex reaction, I flinched and dropped the empty, metal pot that I had in my hand. As it hit the floor, Hunter jerked his head to look at me. 

"Jesus, Bird, what're you doing in there?" He laughed, but Leo just kept staring. I looked away. 

What the hell is his problem? I thought, trying to make myself busy enough to not notice his awkward gaze. 

They finally went back to talking and Leo returned his attention to Hunter. So to cover up my unease, I started to sing. 

"All alone it was a fever... A cold-sweat, hot-headed believer..." 

And suddenly there were two familiar arms wrapped around my waist and soft, warm lips on my ear, and I could no longer concentrate on dinner.

"Go on," He whispered, nibbling on my ear, and I couldn't help but giggle.

"Dinner is ready." I said breathlessly.

"Really? I was thinking we could have dessert first." He smiled against my skin, and he made a trail down my neck with his tongue. When he bit down on my shoulder, he grabbed a fistful of my hair, and pulled my head to the left. I gasped a little and he bit harder before Leo chimed in.

"Oh fuck no! Not in my house! You can go somewhere else for that shit."

Hunter pulled away and punched Leo in the arm to shut him up. We all sat down and ate together, talking and laughing until Hunter's phone rang. He answered swiftly after seeing the number on the screen. A twisted grin appeared on his face. "We'll be there." He said, and then hung up. He looked at Leo. "Looks like I've got my first fight. Buck's basement in 90 minutes." He said beaming. 

Leo cocked his head to the side. "Against who? I didn't know about this." Hunter just shook his head. "Didnt say, but I don't care." With that we headed off to Buck's while Leo got busy alerting their group of followers. When we arrived I felt panicked. Something's not right.  I thought, but I still trailed behind Hunter, who refused to let go of my hand. We entered through a door in the back, and walked down a dark staircase. The room was dimly lit, and reeked of smoke, alcohol and mildew. Already it was packed, with everyone shoulder to shoulder and standing room only. As Hunter walked into the mass of rowdy fans, they cleared a path and music blared. He leaned into my ear, "Bird, stay with Leo. It's gonna get rough." I nodded and he placed my hand in Leo's before kissing my cheek and entering the circle. Leo pulled me off to one side and up onto a makeshift platform where the emcee, a suspicious, meat head named Tom, was already standing. That's when I saw Owen walk into the room, and I realized that he was the other fighter. I turned to Leo in utter shock. He grimaced at me. "Oh, don't look so surprised, Audrey. This wouldn't have happened if it weren't for you. They need this." He continued to glare at me while Tom shouted the rules and commenced the fight. Hunter glanced at me, and that was it. He attacked Owen and I witnessed a side of Hunter, a fury in him that I had only seen once before. He was vicious and relentless. The look in his eyes was that of a killer, and my heart was gripped in fear. I looked at Leo with hot tears streaming down my face. He stared down his nose at me, and his hard expression melted away and was replaced with that of empathy. He placed his hand on the back of my head and pulled me into his chest. I wrapped my arms around him and began to weep. He kissed the top of my head lightly and held me until I heard Tom declare a knock out. I whipped around to see Hunter standing in the middle of the circle with his arms raised, and Owen on the ground, coming to.  He bent down, helped him and they gave each other a hug. All is well, in Bromance-land. I thought as I took off toward Hunter. I pushed and shouldered my way through the crowd, and once I broke through them, I jumped on him. I didn't care about the blood, I just wanted him. With my arms wrapped tightly around his neck, I whispered in his ear. "I love you Hunter Cade. I love you." He winced as I pulled away, and I surveyed the damage. Poor Owen wasn't as good of a fighter as Hunter, because most of the blood on Hunter was not his own. The only damage he had was a busted lip, and an already black bruise on his right cheek. His knuckles we busted and bloody, but somehow it was sexy. He looked like a god standing there covered in a sheen of sweat, and blood splattered on his face. His muscles tense, and his breathing heavy. I placed my hands on his face gently, and kissed him with fervor. He seemed to sense my incessant need for him, my insatiable hunger, because he grabbed me and bit my lip. "Come with me." I panted, and began to pull him into the darkness. 

I had been to Buck's enough over the last few years to know that there was a small, empty storage room in the basement that was just big enough for two people. I found it right away, and pulled him in. "Now?" He questioned, his voice husky. I answered him with a kiss and started to unbutton his jeans. He laughed, a deep throaty laugh, and slammed his mouth into mine. I honestly didn't care who heard me, as our bodies collided repeatedly. He seemed to enjoy that, because he made his pleasure known and his body shuddered. He fell into me, and I held him against my chest. "Damn girl. I'll never get tired of this." 

We pulled our clothes back on and went home together. He went to shower and left me alone for a few moments. Upon entering his room, I stripped down and slipped into one of his oversized t-shirts. When I turned around, he was standing in the doorway staring at me intently, wanting. I smiled and threw my hands up, "Come and get it, baby." I giggled. I didn't have to say anything else. He took a few strides toward me, and then I was in his arms.

The next day passed in a blur. Hunter was working, and when he wasn't, he was with Leo. So I decided to go with Dawn to a party at the Shepard's. I usually didn't go to their part of town, but with everyone else having their own plans I thought it would be fun. Besides, it was hard to be lonely, bored or scared with Dawn around. When we walked through the door, the first person I saw was Jelly. She and I hadn't really talked since the thing between her and Hunter. Especially after I found out it was her I had lady sex with. It was just all kinds of awkward. Dawn gave me a look, but I insisted we stay. I just made sure we weren't in the same room together. Dawn went to grab some beers, but she didn't come back. Eventually I saw her across the room talking to a Brumley. That's when someone body checked me and called me a bitch. As they passed me, I realized it was Bre. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I yelled at her. Suddenly all eyes were on us. 

"Are you really that stupid?" She patronized. 

I was sure that my facial expression matched what I was thinking. What the hell?

"You slept with Owen, stupid bitch. Did you honestly think I would just let that slide? You know what! Fuck it. Fuck you! Fucking twat!" She shrieked angrily and stormed away. Then there was a familiar voice in my ear. 

"Now you know what it's like on the other side. Welcome to the club!" She laughed, and I turned around to hug her. 

"I'm sorry Jel. I've missed you." I cried softly. 

"Me too, me too. All is forgiven." She said and then smiled. She then made her way to the other side of the room to calm Bre down. Before I could move, a strange boy stepped in front of me. "Hey, wanna give it a go?" 

I took a step back, "Give what a go?" 

He looked down at the inside of my elbow and then back to my eyes. He patted his jacket pocket, and gave me a crooked smile. "You're on the needle, and I've got some good shit." I searched the room for any if the girls, but they were nowhere insight. I just shrugged and said, "Lead the way." He hooked his arm in mine, and dragged me to an empty room upstairs. He sat me down in the bed, and pulled out the heroin and an unopened pack of syringes. He set it all up and told me to go first. I injected myself with the contents of the needle and instead of feeling a chill, it was fire. It burned all the way through and I knew something was wrong. Before I knew it I was on my side vomitting profusely. I could stop, move or think. I couldn't even breathe. It felt like hours had passed by and I finally stopped. I involuntarily rolled onto my back. Even though I couldn't move, I felt like all of my muscles were spazzing.  My mouth was dry, and my eyelids became heavy. I could feel my heartbeat slow down. Then I felt hands on me, and someone yelling my name. They pulled my eyelids open and everything was blurred. "Audrey stay awake! Someone call an ambulance, now!! Audrey?" I closed my eyes again, and I started to drift off into the black. "Audrey! Fuck!" Their arms enveloped my body, and I felt like I was flying. "Move! Audrey! Stay awake!!!" And then everything was black, and I floated off into the abyss. 

I could feel a few of my muscles jerk, and my eyes fluttered open. Everything was white, and sterile. I turned to my right and saw Tim sitting in a chair next to me with his head in his hands. 

"Tim?" I questioned. Trying to clarify that I wasn't seeing things. My mouth was still dry, and it hurt to talk. 

At the sound of my voice he jumped. 

"Audrey! You're alright! Holy shit!" He wrapped his arms around me then took a step back. 

"What the fuck were you thinking?! You didn't even know that guy! You almost died, Audrey!" He lectured. His brow furrowed. That's when a nurse walked urgently to me. She started checking my vitals, and then shooed Tim from the room. 

"Ms. Mathews, how are you feeling?" 

I just shrugged and she narrowed her eyes. "Any pain?" I shook my head. She made some notes on her paper and then set her clipboard down on the table next to me. 

"Ms. Mathews, are you aware that you almost died from a heroin overdose?" I said nothing, but she continued. "Audrey, can I call you Audrey?" She asked, and I nodded slightly, unsure where this was going. She sat down on the edge of the bed. 

"Audrey, how long have you been using?" She asked softly. I was relieved to know I wasn't going to be lectured. I looked away. 

"A while." I whispered, suddenly feeling guilty. 

She heaved a sigh. 

"Audrey did you know that you were pregnant?" My heart was suddenly in my throat, my stomach dropped and I gasped. "W-w-hat?" I was in shock, hoping that it was a cruel joke. I can't be pregnant. I thought, shaking my head in disbelief. 

She sighed again, and took my hand in hers. 

"Audrey, because of your prolonged use of heroin, and your overdose... I'm afraid you've had a miscarriage. Your baby couldn't handle it." She spoke so softly, like she was breaking with me. 

My vision blurred with tears. "I had a.. What?" I asked barely making sense of it all. 

"You've miscarried. Your baby died, Audrey. By the looks of it I would say you were about 9 weeks, due in January." 

A small cry escaped my lips as the reality of the truth I had just learned set in. I began to sob, loudly and uncontrollably. She moved closer and gave a me long hug. I cried on her shoulder for a bit until I thought of one more question. 

"What was it?" I mumbled into her shirt. 

She pulled away and looked at me. Gazing to to my eyes, I could see the pain lingering behind them. She stood to her feet, and walked slowly to the door. As she opened it, she glanced at me. "A girl. It was a girl." She stated and left the room. 

I was still so shocked, but all I could do was cry. Tim ran back to his original position and held my hand. 

"Audrey? Are you okay? What's wrong?" He was worried. 

"Oh, Tim." I choked through tears. "I've done something awful!"

He stared at me, obviously confused and concerned. "What do you mean? What did that nurse say to you?" 

My chest hurt, and a lump formed in my throat, making it that much harder to talk and breathe. I kept gasping for air. 

"Hunter. Is. Going. To. Hate. Me." My body shook violently. 

He was quick to embrace me. "Shhh. Breathe. Why would Hunter hate you? I'm pretty sure that's impossible." 

I met his gaze. 

"I was pregnant, Tim. I was going to have Hunter's baby, but I miscarried. All because I'm a junkie whore!" I yelled through relentless tears. His jaw dropped and he squeezed me tighter. 

"You mean? The heroin.... Killed it." He whispered, barely able to speak the words. 

"The heroin killed her. I killed her. I killed my little girl." I felt sick. I think Tim could tell because he grabbed the trash an closest to him and held in to my face, sweeping my hair out of the way with the other hand. I emptied the contents of my stomach and wound up dry heaving. I felt another pair of arms encircle me from the opposite side and Tim let go. I heard the door open and close, but it wasn't until I was finished that I realized the other pair of arms belonged to Hunter. Upon the sight of him, my heart broke again, and I was back at square one. I was wailing at that point, and anything I said was incoherent. He held his forehead to mine and ran his fingers through my hair. "Bird, what is it? Please tell me." 

After a few moments of trying to catch my breath, I wiped the snot now dripping from my nose with the back of my hand. "Hunter, I think you should leave?" 

I couldn't look at him. 

"Leave? Why would I leave? Tim told me you OD'd. Is that true? Did you shoot up again?" His voice was oozing with worry, but all I could do was nod. That lump started to form in my throat again, constricting my vocal chords. 

"Audrey, Bird, you have to stop that. Look at me." He gently turned my head toward him, and I was compelled to look into those beautiful blue eyes. "Bird, that shit is gonna kill you. A close buddy of mine was hooked and it killed him. He OD'd, cold and alone in his bathroom. He was a junkie, and he wouldn't leave it alone. You've gotta stop, because I can't go through that again. And I sure as hell can't lose you again. I almost lost you once, and I'm never gonna let that happen ever again. I'll stay with you. I'll help you kick it, but this has to end. Do you hear me? I love you, Audrey. Do this for me, please?" He was pleading.  He was desperate and his eyes were begging me. That's when I lost it again. 

"Hunter, you're not gonna love me after I tell you. Oh God!!! You're gonna hate me!" He grabbed me and placed my face in the crook of his neck. 

"What are you talking about? I couldn't possibly-" Before he could finish I interrupted him. 

"Hunter, I-" I gasped for air again, "I was pregnant. We were gonna have a baby. A little girl. I was 9 weeks, but because of the drugs... I... I killed her... I had a miscarriage. Hunter, I fucked up! I'll never be able to live this down, and if you want to walk away, if you want to go, I'll understand. But Hunter, I love you and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry..." My  voice trailed off as tears interrupted. He sat there, stunned, for several minutes while I cried. When he broke the silence, his voice hinted at disbelief. 

"We were gonna have a baby?" He asked trying to make sense of what I had just said. Verifying that he heard me correctly. I felt nauseous again, and my heart felt like it had shattered into a million tiny pieces with that one question. I nodded my head as I erupted in another fit of grief and sadness. With his arms still around me, he buried his head into my shoulder, shaking it slightly. I could hear him mumbled curse words against my skin but I couldn't understand. I had just broken his heart. I had lost him. I knew it was only a matter of time, and I knew he hated me. If not now, then he would grow to. It was only a matter of time, but I relished the moment. In spite of my tears and broken heart, I tried to take it all in, what it felt like to be in his arms, his smell, the sound of his voice, everything. I didn't know how much longer I would have with him because of my stupid actions. Suddenly the phrase, My Hunter, broke me instead of filling me with joy. 

Hunter held me as I cried until I fell asleep. When I woke up, it was night time and visiting hours were obviously over, as there was no one wandering around, and the halls were silent. I realized there was something in my hand, and when I opened it, there was a small piece of paper crumbled up and pressed against my palm. 

I unfolded the crinkled mess, and immediately recognized Hunter's handwriting. The note only had three sentences on it, all short and staccato. Straightforward. "I need to clear my head. I'll call you in a few days. Be safe." 

After letting the words sink in, my epiphany of Hunter's hatred washed me over me like a fiery flood as I crumbled the piece of paper again, and clutched it close to my heart. 

 I knew he would hate me! How could he not? He is never gonna come back and it all because of me! I thought. 

"Fucking dumb ass!" I screamed and I threw a the nearest thing to me across the room. 

"The one person I've ever loved.... The one person I never wanted to leave... He's... He's gone! Because... Because I killed her. I killed our baby." As I spoke the words aloud, I could taste acid from my stomach rising. 

"I killed her." I was overcome with grief, heartache, and sadness, but most of all hopelessness. I knew that things were never going to be the same, and everyday for the rest of my life I would hate myself for causing harm to my little girl. My Roslyn. 

Falling Slowly

The moment that I was finally able to regain control over my body, I grabbed what few things I had and left. If Hunter were to say anything about the puke in his room, I would blame it on Steve.I crawled out of the window and began what felt like the walk of shame back to my house. As I picked up the pace, feeling an urgent need for my shower and a toothbrush, I attempted to remember what happened the night before. Unfortunately, all that came to mind was my first encounter with "lady sex." I shuddered to think who the other girl might have been, but I was resolved not to find out. When I entered my house, it smelled like piss and alcohol. I didn't stop to look at what I would have to clean up later. All I wanted was to get upstairs.

I opened the door to my room, and was immediately overcome with sadness.

Why in the world would my room make me sad? I thought, but not wanting to deal with anyone or anything, I shrugged it off and grabbed some clean pajamas from one of my drawers. I then went to take the hottest shower ever, so I could sanitize and remove the grime and filth from my body. Upon finishing, I went to my room and collapsed on my bed. I just wanted a nap.

When I woke up, it was dark outside, so I rolled over to check the time. 8:27 P.M. I groaned. I'd slept all day and felt a throbbing in my head the size of Texas. I could hear people downstairs, and worked myself up to face them. I tentatively checked my appearance before exiting my room. There were giant, black circles under my bloodshot eyes and my skin was pale.

Perfect, I thought. Now I look like I feel.

I opened the door and trudged down the stairs. Everyone looked up as I entered the room.

"Hey there, Sleeping Beauty." Two-Bit giggled. "I don't think you understand the term beauty sleep. You look like hell." Everyone broke out in fits of laughter.

I just gave him a lovely hand gesture, and left the room. I needed some aspirin and something to drink. While I was filling up a glass with water, Soda walked up next to me. He leaned against the counter, arms folded across his chest. The look on his face was that of someone in mourning, and he stared at his feet. I stood there awkwardly for a moment, sipping my water.

"Do you want something to drink?" I asked, entirely unsure of what to say or do.

He shook his head. Then I turned my back to him, found some aspirin in one of the cabinets and popped a few in my mouth before turning to face him again. He was still in the same position.

"Are you alright, Soda? You don't look too good. He shifted his weight around.

"I'm fine, I guess." He mumbled. "What about you? You seem to be handling things pretty well. You're alright with all of this?" He said, finally looking me in the eye.

"Okay with what, exactly?" I was confused. I suddenly knew that I was missing a crucial piece of information. Fucking alcohol. I thought.

He cocked his head to the side and replied, "About Jelly and Hunter. I thought you guys were dating?"

"Wait, what the hell are you talking about?" I demanded, setting my empty glass on the counter.

"You don't know?" He gasped.

"Know what? Tell me!" I was yelling, and the gang slowly filed in to see what was going on.

He looked down again. "Audrey... Hunter and Jelly slept together... Hunter told me last night. They cheated on us."

I felt like the wind got knocked out of me. I clinched my jaw to keep from crying with everyone watching. Finally, I burst.

"SON OF A BITCH!" I screamed. "MOVE!" I yelled as I pushed my way out of the kitchen and up to my room. While I was stomping up the stairs, I heard everyone saying their goodbyes and leaving. I then threw open my door, slammed it closed behind me, grabbed a syringe from my bedside table and screamed in fury while injecting myself with yet another dose of heroin. Out-of-nowhere, there were two muscular arms wrapped around my body. I jerked around, only to be face-to-face with Owen. "Shh... It's okay." He whispered, tightening his hold. My knees went weak, and that's when I remembered Hunter showing up in my room last night to tell me. I started to sob into Owen's shoulder.I breathed in his scent. There was a faint hint of cologne and smoke. It was nowhere near as intoxicating as Hunter's, but I didn't want to think about him. That's when I had the most treacherous idea. I leaned my head back and met Owen's mouth with  my own. He pulled back, dazed, but I persisted. I kissed him again and pried his mouth open with my tongue. I wrapped my arms around his neck, grabbed a fistful of his hair, and ensured that he could not resist. That's when he scooped me up, and laid me gently on my bed. He stripped me of my clothes, then he of his own, not wasting any time. He tried to look at me, but I didn't want him to. That was of no concern to him, this was just revenge sex, and I was in control. I flipped over, straddling him on the bed, and rocked my hips in small circular movements. I felt the drugs making my mind cloudy, and while it turns most into couch potatoes, it was like pure adrenaline in my veins. I heard a noise behind me, and whipped around to see Hunter just staring at Owen and I. It only took him a few moments to assess what was happening.

"What the fuck is going on here?" He bellowed, and then picked up the syringe from the floor. He looked at me, and then proceeded to yank me off of the bed, pushing me into the wall.

"Stay there, Audrey! Don't you fuckin' move!"

He then turns to Owen, who was scrambling to his feet, and decks him, all the while screaming and calling names. "Get the fuck out before I kill you!" He demanded, and Owen ran out of my room naked.

He turned back to me, grabbed both of my shoulders and began to shake me. "So this is what you're fucking doing now? Does he have anything to do with this shit?!" He yelled.

"Get out of my house! This has nothing to do with you!"

"Are you fucking kidding me? My best friend sleeping with my girl has nothing to do with me?! What? Is this supposed to be some kind of payback? Spite doesn't look too cute on you, Audrey. I don't want you seeing him or these fucking syringes ever again!" He was inches from my face, with an iron grip on my shoulders, still shaking me violently.

 "Fuck you! I'm not your little bitch! You can't tell me what to do!" I spat at him, and pushed him backwards.

He grabbed my wrist and yanked me back to him. "Are you out of your fucking mind?" He slapped me across the face with his other free hand. Astonished, and completely sober, I acted on impulse, and slapped him back. It was light a light bulb went off in his head, and he punched the wall next to me, leaving a gaping hole as a result.

"Fuckin' slut!" He shouted at me and stormed out of my room, down the stairs and through the front door.

I turned around in a fit of rage, and started ripping things from the walls, clearing any surface of it's contents, and throwing things across the room. When I saw that there was no longer anything else for me to destroy, I fell to my knees, bawling. I hated myself. I knew he was right, and sleeping with Owen was a mistake. How could I have been so fucking stupid! I yelled at myself.

I looked up, as I thought of the wonderful little treasure chest under my bed. I crawled over, and opened it up, staring at the contraband inside. I removed two large bottles of vodka that I stole from Buck's, and a bottle of Valium. I popped a few pills, took several large gulps of one of the bottles, and climbed up onto my bed. I drifted off into a darkness where I was unable to feel anything, and I could think of nothing. I fed my stupor, and stayed in my room for days; not eating, sleeping or showering. After a while, I ran out of pills and vodka. Emotions flooded over me, and I could no longer stay away from Hunter. I stumbled out of bed to go clean myself up. Even though I was unsure of whether he would forgive me or not, I dressed up for him on the off chance that he wanted to make up. I slipped on a tight, short, backless, red, dress with cut outs around the hips and my best pair of black heels. I left my hair in it's natural curly state, and then applied eyeliner, mascara, and chap stick. I wanted to impress him.

It was already dark out by the time I left my house on my way to Buck's. When I arrived, there were clusters of guys all over the place, all of which gave me the nod and a few whistles. I strutted over to Hunter, who was sitting at the bar, and took a seat next to him. I ordered a beer, took a sip, and just stared at him for a minute. Finally, I got the courage to speak.

"Hunter, can we talk?" I whispered.
 He looked at me with confusion. "Yea... Yea, we can talk."

"Where do I begin?" I paused. "I'm sorry Hunter. I was a bitch. Sleeping with Owen... That..."
I had to stop and take a deep breath while trying to hold back tears. "That was a mistake. I reacted out of hurt and anger,and I'm not exactly sure why that was the first thing I thought of, but I'm sorry..."

Mindlessly, I reached over and touched his hand, gently caressing his skin, but jerked my hand away before he could react. He put his hands on his forehead and ordered another drink.

"I'm the one who should be sorry." He looked at his hands and then clenched them into fists. "I spend all this time promising myself that I won't turn into my father, and it's happening anyway. I will never, ever, lay my hands on you again."

I watched him as I contemplated what he said. "Just because you hit me once, doesn't mean you are or will be like your father."

He sighed and met my gaze. "I messed up. Hell, we both messed up. But I love you, Little Bird. I can't function without you. I can't even breathe."

I placed my hand on his face. "I know the feeling." I said as I kissed him lightly. "I love you too."

He pressed his forehead against mine and smiled. Suddenly, I remembered what I was wearing. I pushed him away, beaming. "Now let's go see if we can do something about that breathing issue."
He smirked and kissed me lightly on the neck, sending shivers up my spine. Oh, how I missed this. How I missed you. He slid out of his seat, taking me by the hand, and led me out of the bar to his house.  When we were safe inside the confines of his four walls, he took me into his arms. "Mmmmm." I groaned into the crook of his neck.

"Oh, I can make you do better than that." He quipped, and then kissed me passionately.

I couldn't help but repeat 'I love you' over and over in my head while he undressed me, and the making up commenced. He kissed every inch of my body, and I knew that I never wanted anyone else to touch  me the way he does ever again. I was his, he was mine, and everything in between.

Fortune Days

I laid on the floor, sprawled out like a crime scene chalk outline. My mind raced and I trembled as the drugs made their way through my veins. My vision blurred and the walls around me began to crumble and deteriorate. I tried, with all of my might to lift my head up, but my head and limbs were like bricks. That's when I began to float, I was lifted up off of the floor, and I felt so free. Now, there were no walls, no windows or doors; in its place was a huge field full of beautiful flowers swaying in the wind and basking in the sunshine. I breathed it all in. The sweet aroma filled my lungs. I glided softly through the air, skimming over the tall grass. I was finally living up to my nickname, 'little bird.'
At long last, I had escaped the haunting memories, yet there still remained a foreboding feeling that more was to come. Finally, I wound up drifting on a cloud, so soft and plush over the clearest ocean I had ever seen. This is where I wanted to be. Slowly though, the blue sky started to turn gray and I eventually woke up, drenched in sweat on my bedroom floor.
I could finally move again, though my extremities slightly tingled as my high faded. I sat up, and touched my matted, sweaty hair. I decided it was time for a shower, so I got up slowly, picked a pair of jeans, a cute shirt and some frilly underwear I had just bought from my closet, and went into my bathroom. I began to peel off what little clothing I had on and I felt the clammy skin beneath. This was the one thing I didn't like, I always felt disgusting after. I climbed into the shower, and turned on the cold water, thinking it might feel good against my hot skin. When I was finally immersed under the shower head, the iciness washed away the boiling heat and cooled me down. I just stood there allowing it to work its magic, until I heard yelling downstairs. I immediately turned off the water, lightly dried my hair, and put on the clothes I had selected earlier. I glanced at the mirror and saw the dark bags that encircled my blue eyes. I pulled some concealer and mascara from the drawer below the sink, and attempted to cover them up. They were still there, but it didn't look as bad as before. The yelling I had heard while I was in the shower continued, but I could now distinguish who it was. I made a list, Tibbs was whooping and hollering, Dal was cursing about something, Steve was being an idiot, and Soda was laughing.
They were the only ones I could hear, and luckily they were all downstairs. So I opened my door to go back to my room and clean up my mess, when I was greeted by Hunter. He smiled slyly when he saw me, and mentioned how he was too late to join me. Then he lunged at me, wrapping his arms all the way around my body. My arms were pinned to my sides and he kissed me. He then pushed me back into the bathroom, and closed the door. He gently lifted me up onto the sink counter, and continued to kiss me passionately. I could tell he had been smoking and drinking by the taste of his mouth, but the mixture of the two and his natural sweetness was too delightful to resist. He pressed between my legs, and began moving his hands down my sides. I pushed him back, "They are gonna be looking for you, and if Tibbs catches you up here like this, he will kill you." I said quietly, already wishing I hadn't.
Although I saw him everyday, I could never get enough of him. Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door.

"Audrey, are you in there?" Rhyan yelled loudly through the door.

"Yeah, just a sec." I jumped down off the counter and opened the door. The look on her face was priceless. Then she laughed, as we both exited the bathroom. I then informed her I would be downstairs in a minute. The two of them walked downstairs, and I ran to my room to hide my mess. Under my bed was an ornate wooden box that my mom gave me for my birthday one year, and I called it my treasure chest. There were a few remnants of things I cherished, but now it was also where I hid my drugs and booze. After I removed all evidence of illegal substances, I joined the others downstairs. By then, everyone, except Darry, was sitting or standing in my living room. I was informed that the boys were going to the rodeo, and the girls were having a girls night out, or as Bre liked to call it, a "No Dicks Allowed Party."
Boy did we make a day of it, shopping and a movie. When it was all over it was later than what we thought, so we split up according to who lived closer to whom and began our walk home. We didn't make it very far before unwelcome hands enveloped us. They pinned Blair and Rhyan to the ground, and began their assault while Jelly and I were being held back. The smell of the one holding me was familiar, although I couldn't see his face, I knew who he was. It was a repugnant odor. You would think that with him being a Soc he would take better care of himself, but I've met strays who smelled better than he did. That's when he put his mouth to my ear and whispered, " You're next Audrey, and this time it will be even sweeter than the last."

He continued to breathe hot, alcohol coated, breath into my ear.
"But Paul," I fought to face him, and get his mouth off of me. "Don't you remember what happened last time?" I asked.
He said nothing, as I looked him in the face and continued. "Last time, Hunter kicked your ass, and now that he and I are together... He won't hesitate to kill you. That is, unless I don't do it first. And believe me, I would love nothing more than to kill you myself and feel the the thrill of victory as I watch life leave your body. That's only after I brutally mutilate you, and cut off all of your extremities, including your very tiny excuse for a dick." I spat at him just as Darry ran to our rescue. "Bitch!" He screamed while pushing me to the ground and high tailing it away from us.
"Motherfucking cunt!" I hissed back.
That's when I made up my mind that one day, I was going to kill that son of a bitch, if it was the last thing I ever did.

Somehow we all wound up back at he Curtis' and I found myself enclosed in Hunter's arms. Everyone else was yelling, but I felt like I had just been jolted from a bad dream. He held me securely within his embrace, and kissed the nape of my neck. That's when I heard there would be a rumble, and at that moment I knew I could finally have my revenge.

The day of the rumble just couldn't get there fast enough, and seeing the Sons pull up outside of the Curtis' only made me even more excited. I was ready to kill a Soc, Paul Holden to be more exact, but I heard Darry lay down the law. No killing. No weapons. That wouldn't slow me down, and now that Hunter knew that Paul was the one that grabbed me, we would be tag teaming.

The trash talking started, and I eyed Paul. "You're mine." I screamed at him, giving him a lovely hand gesture. Hunter, who was standing next to me, looked me up and down with desire. It was the first time he had seen that from me, and I'm guessing he liked it. That's when I saw one of Tim's guys punch one of the smaller Socs, and I sprinted toward Paul. I jumped on him, with one hand on his throat, a knee to the balls, and the other hand causing his jaw to crack loudly. I just keeping swinging, and alternating hands. All of my anger and hatred for him flowed out. Apparently, I blacked out, because Hunter was pulling me off of him as the rest of the Socs were running away. I couldn't believe it was over, but I was ready to party. I kissed Hunter, and told him to have fun, while I ran off with Rhyan to celebrate.

*****

The sunlit broke through my window, and I could no longer keep my eyes closed. It blinded me at first, causing my head to throb, but then I adjusted. I realized I wasn't in my bed, or even my room, but I was laying in Hunter's bed completely naked, not covered at all. At that moment, Steve walked into the room.

"Dayum, girl. Are you waiting for me?" He winked.

"Ew, what the fuck? Why are you even here? Go home, Steve." I rasped at him, my voice still scratchy from screaming last night. He turned around mumbling something under his breath and left. I started rummaging through Hunter's room for my clothes, but they were nowhere to be found. So I grabbed one of Hunter's shirts, and slipped it on along with a pair of his gym shorts.

I sat on the end of the bed, and tried to remember how I got there, where my clothes were, and why I smelled like sex when Hunter wasn't there. I vaguely remembered kissing someone. It wasn't Hunter, it was someone different. A wave of panic washed over me.

Who did I kiss? I thought, and then another blurry memory came to mind. I was moaning loudly, and had my hand in their hair. It was longer than Hunter's and I looked down. It was a girl massaging my sex. Suddenly, I couldn't breathe.

I pretty much cheated on Hunter with a girl! I had sex with a girl! But who? My stomach turned, and I couldn't hold it back. I started vomiting on the floor, and the retching just wouldn't stop. I, Audrey Averlan Mathews, had sex with a girl, and I liked it? The thought made me heave even harder.

Below My Feet

"Daddy! Do you like my story and picture? I did it just for you!"
I looked up at his face beaming with confidence and exuberance over my small story and picture of he and I, but when I saw his eyes, they were sad despite the fact that he was smiling. Suddenly, my joy began to fade.

"You don't like it." I whispered as tears filled my eyes. His arms were around me in an instant.

"Audrey, darling. My beautiful, little angel, look at daddy." I obeyed. "You are my little girl and I love you. Your picture and your story is perfect. I will cherish it always." I hugged him, and he kissed my forehead.

That's the last time I saw him. When he left, I didn't understand why he left us, but I remained optimistic for years that he would return. The moment I saw him standing at our door, my heart almost jumped out of my chest, and sadness that I had never felt before reverberated through my body and I felt sick. I just had to let him in. Two-Bit hated him and Blair refused to be in the same room with him, but I ... I just needed to know why. Why if I was his little angel- why he left me, us. He told me before that I never did anything wrong, however, the older I got, the more I knew he had lied to me. If I was so all-fired important he wouldn't have left like that, but I needed him with me. All little girls need a father, a loving father, and the little girl inside me reared her head in longing for her daddy. Although, I'd never be able to ask him what I needed to. So I allowed him to speak, and showed him where he could sleep. Blair and Tibbs had locked themselves away in their rooms, remaining unseen. Let's face it they were both probably gone, especially after the way Tibbs yelled at him.

So the house remained hauntingly quiet.
The silence was everywhere, and no matter how much I tried to cover it up and mask it by keeping busy; nothing changed. I hadn't been sleeping and the silence gave my mind too much freedom to think. Even books didn't help, and it started to gnaw at me. So I swiftly grabbed my jacket and climbed out of my window. When I reached the ground, I began to run as fast and as hard as I could. The wind felt good on my face, as it was uncommonly cold for April. It had been running and normally I didn't go at night, especially not alone, but my house was too quiet to drown out my racing thoughts. I began to push myself harder- testing my limits and that's when I saw their house. I brought myself to an abrupt halt that sent me toppling over into the yard. Immediately, I jumped up and began scaling the side of the house. When I reached the second floor, I crawled into a little alcove on the roof and tapped on the window. I could see someone stirring inside. As they approached, the light of the moon lit up the striking features of his face. Slowly, he slid up the window and allowed me to come inside.

"Something wrong?" He asked with his voice slightly raspy. He stared at me sleepily with his hair falling in his face. I shook my head in response.

"Too quiet?" He asked while pulling me into his arms, and with my face in the crook of his neck, I nodded.

Everything about him had a comforting effect on me. His touch, his voice, his smell, his intense gaze, the warmth of his skin, his embrace; all of it made me feel safe and at peace, but at the same time he awakened that desire for him. In spite of the carnal hunger that was growing inside of me, I just wasn't in the mood to be intimate with him. My mind and body were past the point of exhaustion. I just needed him to hold me while I slept, and it was like he could read my mind. He turned tentatively, pulling me by the hand and laid down on the bed. As he slid his arms around me, pulling me into him, I could feel his erection, and it was like a switch had been flipped in my head. My exhaustion went away, and I was unable to control the sensation within me. I rolled over to face him, and placed his free hand in my pants. He chuckled and made some sarcastic remark about being tired, but I shut him up when I pressed my lips firmly against his. He couldn't refuse, and I knew he didn't want to. My body trembled with excitement, as he worked to pull off my sweats. I bit his bottom lip playfully, and it was only a matter of seconds until silky, smooth skin of fire was pressed together in an intimate embrace. It didn't take long for our exhaustion to catch up with us and when the climax came we both faded into what felt like a sex-induced coma.

The next morning, I awoke to Hunter lightly kissing my neck. All that was covering our nakedness was one thin sheet, as everything else was in the floor. He pulled me against him and his body heat radiated from him- warming even my toes. He kissed me so sweetly and pushed the hair from my eyes. He shifted his weight on top of me and I wrapped my legs around his waist.
"Mmmmm..." He groaned into my ear as our hip movements were in perfect time. He kissed me, and I moaned into him so no one would hear. That's when the door flew open and Dawn barged in. We both jumped away from one another, and I pulled the sheet up to my face. When she finally realized that Hunter and I were in bed together, she threw her hands over her eyes.

"AHHHHHHH! EW! EW! EW! MY EYES!!!! THEY BURN! MAKE IT STOP! She ran out of the room, still yelling about being sick and scarred for life.

Hunter got up and went to close the door while I began the search for my clothes. Just as I pulled up my pants, he wrapped his arms around me from behind.
"Now who said you could put those back on?" He whispered into my ear.

I giggled, "I should probably go. Dawn will have everyone here trying to see if it's really true, and I'm sure Tibbs has figured out I'm gone."

I pulled my shirt over my head and turned to kiss him. His kiss was sweet and gentle, but with an underlying persistence. I didn't want to stop, but I knew I had to. I pushed him back and looked into his eyes. Suddenly, a lump formed in my throat, and I had to push back tears. I was fighting with myself. I wanted to be with Hunter, but  I knew him all too well. I was scared to give him my heart, but in reality he has had it all along. I was falling head over heels for him, and there was really nothing I could do to stop it. But did I really want to?

With that, I turned and left, crawling back out of the window in which I entered, and ran back to my house. When I arrived, Rhyan's car was parked outside. I walked through the front door, and up the stairs to my room where I knew she would be. As I entered, I could see her lying on my bed staring at the ceiling. She sat up slowly when I appeared in the doorway. I pushed the door closed behind me, and took a seat next to her on the bed, staring at my hands in my lap.

"I wondered when you would show up." I mumbled nervously, completely unable to look at her.

"Well with everything going on, we just had to kinda push it aside."

"Yeah, I know, and I can't say that I've made myself available for it either." I replied, wringing my hands anxiously.

Neither of us said anything, so we sat for a moment in complete silence until she finally spoke up.

"I was mad that you ran off with Owen, and frustrated that neither one of you would answer my calls. I was upset that you both did something so stupid... But mostly I was was scared Audrey. I'm used to Owen being this way, but not you. You're the one I run to when I don't know what else to do, but you weren't here." She was now standing, and began pacing the length of my room.

"I didn't purposefully do something stupid. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I mean, I know Owen is messed up, but I didn't know we would wind up there, or that I would be attacked and everything else..." My voice trailed off- I couldn't say what I wanted to, and I pushed all of those horrific images from my mind, still refusing to deal with them.

Not now...I thought to myself.

"You could have at least told me where you were... I didn't know if you were still in the country or not. If something worse had happened, how would we ever have found out what happened to you?" She questioned, her tone escalating.

"Yeah, I should have called. I should've told someone where I was going, but I didn't think we would be gone long. It was a mistake Rhyan, and no one knows that better than I do." I couldn't raise my voice above a whisper, I felt like a child being chastised, and I couldn't help but be ashamed. I was always submissive in that sense, but I suddenly allowed all of the guilt that I had been pushing away to settle in.

"I don't know, I guess it was just a time in my life when I needed my best friend. When I got with Dallas, you were the first person I wanted to tell... When I left him... You were the one that I wanted to come crying to, and by the time California came we weren't really on speaking terms and I was going insane inside; leaving me as an emotional mess on the outside, and all I really needed was my best friend." She took a seat next to me again, and what she said hit me.

"Wait, what? What do you mean you got with Dallas? And then you left him? I know you kissed him the other day after school, but you slept with Dallas?" I was shocked.

She blushed slightly, "Oh... yeah, I guess you don't know about that yet..."

"Uhh, no? Explain please."

"Okay, well to make it short... Randy jumped me, leaving me passed out floating in the lake, Dallas saved me. I woke up half naked with him on my couch... And then it just sort of... happened. And everything was... Great, perfect even. Until Hunter called and explained the situation to me and then I did what I always do. I put my life on hold for Owen's sake and left Dallas brokenhearted in my driveway at 3 AM."

I sat there in awe and was unable to conjugate sentences. I just reached over and took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Rhyan... I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. How are things now?"

She looked at me.

"Really great actually."

I smiled tentatively and she reciprocated. Without warning, the awkward tension between us dissipated, and warmth returned to her smile.

"So, was it all it's hyped up to be?" I winked and her cheeks flushed. We both erupted in a fit of giggles. Her grin widened.

"Oh... even better." She laughed, wiggling her eyebrows up and down.
The laughter continued and before I could stop myself, my subconscious spit out my latest secret.

"I slept with Hunter." I said and watched her response.

Her mouth dropped open, "What?"

"We've always been really close. We would sleep in the same bed and cuddle and what not, but he kissed me... Like really kissed me before we left for California, and we wound up naked but nothing happened. Then, while we were at your house in Cali, we found out that our rooms were adjoined and it just escalated. Ya know?"

Her expression changed. "You had sex in my house?"

I stared at her.

"Ohhh Rhyan," I said giving her a funny look. "I didn't premeditate it. It just happened. It was..." I looked down at my lap again, "It was my first time."

"How was it?" She inquired enthusiastically , and squeezed my hand in response.

"Well, it didn't really hurt like I thought it would, and it was... HOT, actually. I mean, I didn't think it was possible to feel that, or for sex to be as passionate and as loving as that..." I stated, trying to cover the quiver in my voice.

She cocked her head to the side.

"Why would you think that?"

I could feel her gaze, but I refused to look at her. I couldn't. I knew that the moment I did, the tears would be endless. "...Because." I said flatly.

She persisted, "Because why, Audrey?" Adding emphasis to my name.

"Rhyan, I can't...." I was now whispering.

"You need to tell someone Audrey... who better than your best friend?"

I knew she was right, but I had never told anyone about that. No one but Hunter, that is, and I was so afraid. That moment had altered my life forever, leaving scars in its wake.

"I know, but it's just not something I want to relive." I mumbled.

"Well you know I'm here to listen if you want to tell somebody. Personally it's easier for me not to bottle it up."

That's when the tears started to flow like a waterfall. Everything that had happened to me sank in, and before I could stop myself, my subconscious spilled the beans again.

"Paul Holden raped me around the time that you and Owen moved here. That's why Hunter was in trouble for putting him in the hospital and no one knew why he did it. He discovered it, because I couldn't scream or fight because I was terrified, and he was covering my mouth. I have never seen Hunter so angry, and I convinced him not to kill him, because I knew he would. Paul took something from me that day that I can never get back, and I have lived with that and its effects everyday since then." I was now crying uncontrollably, as images of that night flashed through my mind.

She wrapped her arms around me tightly, "Audrey, how could you not tell anyone? Holy shit. I'm sorry... I can't imagine how terrible that must be..." She choked, now crying with me.
I didn't respond for a while. I was too overwhelmed. I had finally told someone other than Hunter, and it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

After several minutes, I was finally able to speak. "I don't know.... Hunter wouldn't have known if he hadn't been the one to save me. I just didn't want anyone to know." I wiped my eyes, and pulled away to face her.

She thought for a second. "So what are you and Hunter, exactly?"

"Well we aren't dating if that's what you're asking, but it's more than just friends with benefits."

"Kinda looks like you;re dating.... You're always holding hands or have your arms around each other. The gangs kinda noticed."

I blushed. "Umm... yeah... I know... But... Hunter isn't the "relationship" type... Ya know?"

"And what about Owen? It kinda seems like there's a hidden something there."

I made a face in disgust.

"He kissed me, and tried to get me to have sex with him, but we didn't. I really haven't talked to him much since all of that happened." I said as I held up my hand symbolizing Scout's honor.

"Good," She laughed, "Cause Owen doesn't deserve you."

"Why do you say that?" I asked slightly confused.

"Cause... You deserve better than someone who sleeps around and is involved in the cartel. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother, but... You gotta admit he's not the best." She stated.

"Yeah, and Hunter is?" I replied sarcastically.

I love him!  I thought, and I cringed for a moment. I had to make other people think that I wasn't. Maybe, if I did that, then I could convince myself the same, but I wanted to love him.

Damn!

"...Good point! Damn Audrey, you can do way better." She laughed.

"Well at least he isn't a complete asshole like Owen. No offense." I blurted out.

Her mouth dropped open again, and then burst into laughter because that was the first time she had ever heard me curse. Honestly, it was the first time I had ever cursed out loud, period.

"Damn girl, don't hold back," She said still laughing, "But I agree."

We finished our little talk, and we filled each other in on details. I could see by the way she looked at me that she knew my secret about Hunter, but I would never fess up. And there was still a smidgen of worry hidden beneath it all. I knew that what I had told her about Paul made her even more concerned about me, because now she knew that I didn't tell her everything, and I kept things from people, including her. When she left, I was again plagued with silence, because I had the house entirely to myself. I was left alone with memories of Paul Holden committing his obscene act, and my hidden love for Hunter. I laid on my bed, clutching my pillow to my chest, and sobbed until I fell asleep.