Below My Feet

"Daddy! Do you like my story and picture? I did it just for you!"
I looked up at his face beaming with confidence and exuberance over my small story and picture of he and I, but when I saw his eyes, they were sad despite the fact that he was smiling. Suddenly, my joy began to fade.

"You don't like it." I whispered as tears filled my eyes. His arms were around me in an instant.

"Audrey, darling. My beautiful, little angel, look at daddy." I obeyed. "You are my little girl and I love you. Your picture and your story is perfect. I will cherish it always." I hugged him, and he kissed my forehead.

That's the last time I saw him. When he left, I didn't understand why he left us, but I remained optimistic for years that he would return. The moment I saw him standing at our door, my heart almost jumped out of my chest, and sadness that I had never felt before reverberated through my body and I felt sick. I just had to let him in. Two-Bit hated him and Blair refused to be in the same room with him, but I ... I just needed to know why. Why if I was his little angel- why he left me, us. He told me before that I never did anything wrong, however, the older I got, the more I knew he had lied to me. If I was so all-fired important he wouldn't have left like that, but I needed him with me. All little girls need a father, a loving father, and the little girl inside me reared her head in longing for her daddy. Although, I'd never be able to ask him what I needed to. So I allowed him to speak, and showed him where he could sleep. Blair and Tibbs had locked themselves away in their rooms, remaining unseen. Let's face it they were both probably gone, especially after the way Tibbs yelled at him.

So the house remained hauntingly quiet.
The silence was everywhere, and no matter how much I tried to cover it up and mask it by keeping busy; nothing changed. I hadn't been sleeping and the silence gave my mind too much freedom to think. Even books didn't help, and it started to gnaw at me. So I swiftly grabbed my jacket and climbed out of my window. When I reached the ground, I began to run as fast and as hard as I could. The wind felt good on my face, as it was uncommonly cold for April. It had been running and normally I didn't go at night, especially not alone, but my house was too quiet to drown out my racing thoughts. I began to push myself harder- testing my limits and that's when I saw their house. I brought myself to an abrupt halt that sent me toppling over into the yard. Immediately, I jumped up and began scaling the side of the house. When I reached the second floor, I crawled into a little alcove on the roof and tapped on the window. I could see someone stirring inside. As they approached, the light of the moon lit up the striking features of his face. Slowly, he slid up the window and allowed me to come inside.

"Something wrong?" He asked with his voice slightly raspy. He stared at me sleepily with his hair falling in his face. I shook my head in response.

"Too quiet?" He asked while pulling me into his arms, and with my face in the crook of his neck, I nodded.

Everything about him had a comforting effect on me. His touch, his voice, his smell, his intense gaze, the warmth of his skin, his embrace; all of it made me feel safe and at peace, but at the same time he awakened that desire for him. In spite of the carnal hunger that was growing inside of me, I just wasn't in the mood to be intimate with him. My mind and body were past the point of exhaustion. I just needed him to hold me while I slept, and it was like he could read my mind. He turned tentatively, pulling me by the hand and laid down on the bed. As he slid his arms around me, pulling me into him, I could feel his erection, and it was like a switch had been flipped in my head. My exhaustion went away, and I was unable to control the sensation within me. I rolled over to face him, and placed his free hand in my pants. He chuckled and made some sarcastic remark about being tired, but I shut him up when I pressed my lips firmly against his. He couldn't refuse, and I knew he didn't want to. My body trembled with excitement, as he worked to pull off my sweats. I bit his bottom lip playfully, and it was only a matter of seconds until silky, smooth skin of fire was pressed together in an intimate embrace. It didn't take long for our exhaustion to catch up with us and when the climax came we both faded into what felt like a sex-induced coma.

The next morning, I awoke to Hunter lightly kissing my neck. All that was covering our nakedness was one thin sheet, as everything else was in the floor. He pulled me against him and his body heat radiated from him- warming even my toes. He kissed me so sweetly and pushed the hair from my eyes. He shifted his weight on top of me and I wrapped my legs around his waist.
"Mmmmm..." He groaned into my ear as our hip movements were in perfect time. He kissed me, and I moaned into him so no one would hear. That's when the door flew open and Dawn barged in. We both jumped away from one another, and I pulled the sheet up to my face. When she finally realized that Hunter and I were in bed together, she threw her hands over her eyes.

"AHHHHHHH! EW! EW! EW! MY EYES!!!! THEY BURN! MAKE IT STOP! She ran out of the room, still yelling about being sick and scarred for life.

Hunter got up and went to close the door while I began the search for my clothes. Just as I pulled up my pants, he wrapped his arms around me from behind.
"Now who said you could put those back on?" He whispered into my ear.

I giggled, "I should probably go. Dawn will have everyone here trying to see if it's really true, and I'm sure Tibbs has figured out I'm gone."

I pulled my shirt over my head and turned to kiss him. His kiss was sweet and gentle, but with an underlying persistence. I didn't want to stop, but I knew I had to. I pushed him back and looked into his eyes. Suddenly, a lump formed in my throat, and I had to push back tears. I was fighting with myself. I wanted to be with Hunter, but  I knew him all too well. I was scared to give him my heart, but in reality he has had it all along. I was falling head over heels for him, and there was really nothing I could do to stop it. But did I really want to?

With that, I turned and left, crawling back out of the window in which I entered, and ran back to my house. When I arrived, Rhyan's car was parked outside. I walked through the front door, and up the stairs to my room where I knew she would be. As I entered, I could see her lying on my bed staring at the ceiling. She sat up slowly when I appeared in the doorway. I pushed the door closed behind me, and took a seat next to her on the bed, staring at my hands in my lap.

"I wondered when you would show up." I mumbled nervously, completely unable to look at her.

"Well with everything going on, we just had to kinda push it aside."

"Yeah, I know, and I can't say that I've made myself available for it either." I replied, wringing my hands anxiously.

Neither of us said anything, so we sat for a moment in complete silence until she finally spoke up.

"I was mad that you ran off with Owen, and frustrated that neither one of you would answer my calls. I was upset that you both did something so stupid... But mostly I was was scared Audrey. I'm used to Owen being this way, but not you. You're the one I run to when I don't know what else to do, but you weren't here." She was now standing, and began pacing the length of my room.

"I didn't purposefully do something stupid. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I mean, I know Owen is messed up, but I didn't know we would wind up there, or that I would be attacked and everything else..." My voice trailed off- I couldn't say what I wanted to, and I pushed all of those horrific images from my mind, still refusing to deal with them.

Not now...I thought to myself.

"You could have at least told me where you were... I didn't know if you were still in the country or not. If something worse had happened, how would we ever have found out what happened to you?" She questioned, her tone escalating.

"Yeah, I should have called. I should've told someone where I was going, but I didn't think we would be gone long. It was a mistake Rhyan, and no one knows that better than I do." I couldn't raise my voice above a whisper, I felt like a child being chastised, and I couldn't help but be ashamed. I was always submissive in that sense, but I suddenly allowed all of the guilt that I had been pushing away to settle in.

"I don't know, I guess it was just a time in my life when I needed my best friend. When I got with Dallas, you were the first person I wanted to tell... When I left him... You were the one that I wanted to come crying to, and by the time California came we weren't really on speaking terms and I was going insane inside; leaving me as an emotional mess on the outside, and all I really needed was my best friend." She took a seat next to me again, and what she said hit me.

"Wait, what? What do you mean you got with Dallas? And then you left him? I know you kissed him the other day after school, but you slept with Dallas?" I was shocked.

She blushed slightly, "Oh... yeah, I guess you don't know about that yet..."

"Uhh, no? Explain please."

"Okay, well to make it short... Randy jumped me, leaving me passed out floating in the lake, Dallas saved me. I woke up half naked with him on my couch... And then it just sort of... happened. And everything was... Great, perfect even. Until Hunter called and explained the situation to me and then I did what I always do. I put my life on hold for Owen's sake and left Dallas brokenhearted in my driveway at 3 AM."

I sat there in awe and was unable to conjugate sentences. I just reached over and took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Rhyan... I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. How are things now?"

She looked at me.

"Really great actually."

I smiled tentatively and she reciprocated. Without warning, the awkward tension between us dissipated, and warmth returned to her smile.

"So, was it all it's hyped up to be?" I winked and her cheeks flushed. We both erupted in a fit of giggles. Her grin widened.

"Oh... even better." She laughed, wiggling her eyebrows up and down.
The laughter continued and before I could stop myself, my subconscious spit out my latest secret.

"I slept with Hunter." I said and watched her response.

Her mouth dropped open, "What?"

"We've always been really close. We would sleep in the same bed and cuddle and what not, but he kissed me... Like really kissed me before we left for California, and we wound up naked but nothing happened. Then, while we were at your house in Cali, we found out that our rooms were adjoined and it just escalated. Ya know?"

Her expression changed. "You had sex in my house?"

I stared at her.

"Ohhh Rhyan," I said giving her a funny look. "I didn't premeditate it. It just happened. It was..." I looked down at my lap again, "It was my first time."

"How was it?" She inquired enthusiastically , and squeezed my hand in response.

"Well, it didn't really hurt like I thought it would, and it was... HOT, actually. I mean, I didn't think it was possible to feel that, or for sex to be as passionate and as loving as that..." I stated, trying to cover the quiver in my voice.

She cocked her head to the side.

"Why would you think that?"

I could feel her gaze, but I refused to look at her. I couldn't. I knew that the moment I did, the tears would be endless. "...Because." I said flatly.

She persisted, "Because why, Audrey?" Adding emphasis to my name.

"Rhyan, I can't...." I was now whispering.

"You need to tell someone Audrey... who better than your best friend?"

I knew she was right, but I had never told anyone about that. No one but Hunter, that is, and I was so afraid. That moment had altered my life forever, leaving scars in its wake.

"I know, but it's just not something I want to relive." I mumbled.

"Well you know I'm here to listen if you want to tell somebody. Personally it's easier for me not to bottle it up."

That's when the tears started to flow like a waterfall. Everything that had happened to me sank in, and before I could stop myself, my subconscious spilled the beans again.

"Paul Holden raped me around the time that you and Owen moved here. That's why Hunter was in trouble for putting him in the hospital and no one knew why he did it. He discovered it, because I couldn't scream or fight because I was terrified, and he was covering my mouth. I have never seen Hunter so angry, and I convinced him not to kill him, because I knew he would. Paul took something from me that day that I can never get back, and I have lived with that and its effects everyday since then." I was now crying uncontrollably, as images of that night flashed through my mind.

She wrapped her arms around me tightly, "Audrey, how could you not tell anyone? Holy shit. I'm sorry... I can't imagine how terrible that must be..." She choked, now crying with me.
I didn't respond for a while. I was too overwhelmed. I had finally told someone other than Hunter, and it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

After several minutes, I was finally able to speak. "I don't know.... Hunter wouldn't have known if he hadn't been the one to save me. I just didn't want anyone to know." I wiped my eyes, and pulled away to face her.

She thought for a second. "So what are you and Hunter, exactly?"

"Well we aren't dating if that's what you're asking, but it's more than just friends with benefits."

"Kinda looks like you;re dating.... You're always holding hands or have your arms around each other. The gangs kinda noticed."

I blushed. "Umm... yeah... I know... But... Hunter isn't the "relationship" type... Ya know?"

"And what about Owen? It kinda seems like there's a hidden something there."

I made a face in disgust.

"He kissed me, and tried to get me to have sex with him, but we didn't. I really haven't talked to him much since all of that happened." I said as I held up my hand symbolizing Scout's honor.

"Good," She laughed, "Cause Owen doesn't deserve you."

"Why do you say that?" I asked slightly confused.

"Cause... You deserve better than someone who sleeps around and is involved in the cartel. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother, but... You gotta admit he's not the best." She stated.

"Yeah, and Hunter is?" I replied sarcastically.

I love him!  I thought, and I cringed for a moment. I had to make other people think that I wasn't. Maybe, if I did that, then I could convince myself the same, but I wanted to love him.

Damn!

"...Good point! Damn Audrey, you can do way better." She laughed.

"Well at least he isn't a complete asshole like Owen. No offense." I blurted out.

Her mouth dropped open again, and then burst into laughter because that was the first time she had ever heard me curse. Honestly, it was the first time I had ever cursed out loud, period.

"Damn girl, don't hold back," She said still laughing, "But I agree."

We finished our little talk, and we filled each other in on details. I could see by the way she looked at me that she knew my secret about Hunter, but I would never fess up. And there was still a smidgen of worry hidden beneath it all. I knew that what I had told her about Paul made her even more concerned about me, because now she knew that I didn't tell her everything, and I kept things from people, including her. When she left, I was again plagued with silence, because I had the house entirely to myself. I was left alone with memories of Paul Holden committing his obscene act, and my hidden love for Hunter. I laid on my bed, clutching my pillow to my chest, and sobbed until I fell asleep.