"Little Bird"

LIFE- Sometimes a blissful, rhapsodic endeavor and at others cruel and pointless. Over the years I have found a way to tolerate the ridiculous roller-coaster that is everyday life. I would retreat to the solitude of my room and bury my nose in a book. I would dream of far away places, and a time where love was easy. The eloquence of the words brimming like tidal waves flowing from the page would captivate the heart, seduce the mind, and ensnare the senses. I would succumb to the beautiful fantasies that were hidden between the pages waiting for me. It was in those moments where I would utterly lose myself, and forget about life's problems. I learned to believe in miracles, truth, romance, and beauty from ashes. That's when I began to base my life around those who surrounded me with their love, laughter, and friendship. It no longer mattered that my father decided to remove himself from my presence, but in the midst of that brokenness I found who my real family was. Our wonderful group of misfits, banded together by peculiarity, circumstance, and a sense of humor. They all quickly proved to be the kind of friends that every person dreams of. Yes, we had our ups and downs, but in all honesty, we were unbreakable. As much as they were part of me; I was a part of them.

So as I sat alone on the window seat in my room reading a book I had read a million times I could hear the gang assembling downstairs. The bellowing laughter and shrill cries wafted up the stairs into my small bedroom. I loved being around them, but I loved the solitary confinement that my room provided. However, my door always remained open, because I loved my random visitors who would only come to pester. I could hear Two-Bit laughing at one of his many successful pranks, and footsteps on the stairs. Kit and Jelly appeared in the doorway. They gave a quick hello, and made their way to their favorite spot- my bed. I would listen to them talk about who is dating who, the torment of a random Soc, a rumble, and what color nail polish looked better... The usual exchange of information between us best friends. I often compared myself to the two of them. Their beauty far exceeded that of my own, and their boisterous, vivacious personalities made up for what I lacked. They were in every way my sisters and I loved them. I told them everything. No matter how trivial or flighty it seemed, they frequently assured me that whatever I had to say was important. Although I know that my life would not be the same without them... I caught myself wondering what I could do to make my sister Blair feel the same. We had both experienced similar devastation caused by our father, yet the affect and the way we handled it were completely different. I so desired to make her feel loved- to make her feel like my sister, but I failed at every attempt.

Suddenly, Soda popped his head into the doorway and interrupted any thoughts I had that did not involve him. Oh how beautiful he was... That smile and those eyes. All I could do was give a goofy grin. I couldn't think, and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't understand why he had the affect on me. He was just a normal boy. A normal, beautiful, kind, goofy, funny, sweet... sweet boy. I wanted to kiss him! I wanted his arms around me, and to hear him say he loved me! And before I knew it those three words slipped out...

"I love you."

All eyes were on me.

"WHAT?!" Kit squealed.

"Oh, uhhh, I just wanted to tell you guys that I love you. You're just great." I stammered. I was obviously lying, and of course Kit and Jel knew but let it slide. Soda on the other hand was completely oblivious, so I decided to continue reading my book again, and pursue the whimsy fairy-tale that I held in my hands. If only life were as simple as the stories I would read.